"Relentless" is the only way that I can describe how my life and the level of commitments has been over the past year (and more). But today, (Sunday 22nd Jan 2012) I knew that I had a rare opportunity to simply go to worship and not be expected to lead, or be responsible for anything, in any way. I felt that I could only do this by physically removing myself from my normal church and going elsewhere.
But where to go? I had one idea, Kate had another. I prayed about it, and we did what Kate said! We went to City Life Church in Swaythling. And, "thank you, God", that we did. I went with low expectations, and even a sense of guilt about not being at SJR. But, from the moment I walked through the door, it was evident that I was there to hear from God. That he was in every conversation, in every prayer, in every song and He was restoring and refreshing me spiritually.
Just last week I had preached about Saul's conversion and about Ananias, who was sent by Jesus to speak to him as he lay blind in a room in Damascus. We sang a song that spoke about the passion of Jesus' love for us -
His love is fierce
HIs love is strong
His love is furious
And I thought of Jesus - appearing to Saul. I thought of the words that He said to Saul - "Saul, why are you persecuting me?" And I wondered, how Jesus would have said these words. Were they just words, or were they said with passion? Were they said with a quiet fierceness and with a quiet fury? Were they said in a passionate rage? Or were they the quiet words of one resigned to being beaten down?
And suddenly, in my heart, I could hear Jesus the Christ of passion, clear as a bell - "SAUL - WHY ARE YOU PERSECUTING ME?!" Paul was not a man to be easily diverted from his chosen course and it will have required more than a gentle nudge to change the journey he had set out on so completely.
Then we sang on...
He is waking hearts to life
He is waking hearts to life...
And surely this is what he did with Saul - He woke his heart to a new life. Three days Saul lay in darkness, not eating or drinking in a room in Damascus. And when he finally rose up and his sight was restored, he awoke to a new life. His heart was woken to a new life. The church was woken to a new life.
Back to City Life - And then a lady called Caroline gave a testimony; she had been healed of a terrible pain in her hip after being prayed over that week. And the woman who had been hobbling around in pain just days before found herself walking miles to church this morning. And as she walked she felt God telling her to stop thinking about her hip and to think about Him, and what He was doing in her life. She looked up and saw a bright vision of Jesus on the cross. And then she RAN - she ran to church because the Lord had touched her life in that way!
As she told her story, I thought again about Saul on that road to Damascus - I thought of the transforming light that had burst into his life on that journey to Damascus.
Then another lady spoke about a need for some volunteers to do some much needed work on a project the church was involved in. 30 volunteers were needed; 12 had stepped forward so far, but more were needed. And I thought of Ananias, being sent to Saul in that room. TWICE Jesus had to tell him to go. There were people in that congregation who needed to hear that Jesus was still asking them to step forward and to serve Him in that way.
And so it went on. Time and again, God's word was just jumping out at me. A man, Roger, took time to pray with me - he sensed a need in me; he sensed a "question mark over my head" as he put it. And his prayers were right on the spot. And then the worship leader came and prayed with me and Kate at the end of the service - prayers for our own church and especially for the discussions we are about to have about how we come to worship God at SJR.
Dan Pooley came back from a "pulpit swap" part way through the service. I can't remember everything he said, but one thing was that God gathers us together in worship, but He also disperses us. And I thought about Saul and His persecution of the church in Jerusalem; that without Saul's actions there, and despite all their harmful intent, God used his persecution of the church to disperse the Apostles far and wide - that this led to the early church being spread far and wide, and ultimately to the gentiles and the whole world.
SO - I have no doubt that God was there with me in that place today. It felt like he might just have well have nailed a huge sign to the front wall that said, "YES - NIGEL - I'm talking to YOU". And it is a humbling experience. My heart was bursting and tears were never far away.
So what was He saying? I believe I know, and I believe that it has something to say about our journey at SJR. I believe that it has something to say about our future as a church.
Our God, whose love is fierce, and deep and strong and furious - our God may sometimes have to break things for something new to grow. Sometimes the soil must be turned if new seeds are to be planted and germinate and grow.
It is time for us to plant something new; even if we risk breaking what we have.
Notices and Prayer site for St James Road Methodist Church, Southampton.